How Can Meditating in the Garden Possibly Go Wrong?

Many of you who read this aren’t going to believe this story, but it’s true. As a spiritual person I love meditating, and a scientist might call the boys in white coats to tie me up if I told them exactly why, so I’ll get into the “why I meditate” in a future post. For now, I want to tell you the dangers of meditating. Now, we all already know the obvious dangers like meditating on a train track or meditating in a public park where someone can steal your purse, but I’m talking about the dangers of meditating right here in your own back yard. I’ll quickly throw “watch out for bird poop” at you because that’s not why I’m writing this either.

This is a story that literally JUST HAPPENED! And you should be careful it doesn’t happen to you!

Now if you’re not a fan of funny stories then maybe this particular blog post isn’t for you, because it’s not serious like most of my material. Today I saw the bright sun and felt really good so I thought I’d put on some of my better, fancier clothing, a set of clothes I haven’t worn in almost a year because it’s really expensive. Just remember that because it’s going to make this even funnier.

It was about lunch time when I already accomplished everything I had wanted to do today. I had gotten food for the cat, had washed the bathroom, did work on the computer, made some money, watched the news, but what, I asked myself, shall I do next?

My answer, as you’ve probably guessed, was “meditate in the garden.” of course, I was NOT brilliant enough to change my clothes before I finished my tea and stepped outside. The birds were chirping and the neighbour’s dog was quiet for a change. All was perfect, or so it seemed…

Ah, I remember it so clearly. Hmh, so clearly, in fact, that I can make a brief list of just how perfect it was.

  1. The grass was soft beneath my bear feet.
  2.  A frog in my pond was croaking just like they do in the movies when something romantic is about to happen.
  3. A couldn’t smell the neighbour’s dog poop as I usually do every time I step close to a window that’s open just a crack.
  4. A little pink cloud was blocking the sun from my eyes.
  5. A butterfly nearly kissed my nose.
  6. I think that’s about it.

Now, thanks to that brief list, you can imagine just how romantic and awesome my meditating experience was about to be. Well, I had only gotten down to my usual position in the grass, had only closed my eyes for not even 5 seconds, when–Tsssss!–the sprinklers turned on and sent a jet of pressurized water right into my face. For a brief second I wasn’t sure what in the world was happening and so I screamed at the top of my lungs like piggly little school girl from a cheesy 1920s horror movie.

It’s not the case anymore, but I was PISSED! Now I don’t mean I was pissing wet. I mean I was freaking PISSED OFF!!!

If you know me just a little bit you’ll know I don’t get angry that often, or practically ever for that matter. While writing this I literally can’t remember the last time I got angry before this. Now if you don’t know me, you can still probably imagine how silly I looked when I tried to kick the sprinkler water as if that would do anything. It just made me wetter, and I slipped, getting dirt all over my fancy outfit…

How could meditating produce the opposite effect that it’s supposed to create? Well, you just read it, my friend. I was not relaxed one bit. I stormed back into the house and called Irrigation Victoria BC to change the time when the sprinklers go on, and I (regretting it now) complained more than I probably should have. I know it wasn’t their fault that I decided to go out and meditate at the precise moment they had set the sprinklers to go off, but the man on the phone was nice and brightened my mood nonetheless. They left after re-adjusting the sprinkler system right before I decided to write about this on my blog.

Now if you have any stories about how meditating in the garden can go wrong, I’d love to hear them! Contact me via email, tell me the whole story, and I might just start a series by posting it on my blog as a guest post! i hope this story brightened your day and, most importantly, prevented this from happening to you!